4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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