dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
