sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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