So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
