Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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