So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
