Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
