So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
