you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
