next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
