Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
