You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
