apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
