I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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