im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
