The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
