I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
