I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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