i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
pray to the hookup gods
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
