my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
