I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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