i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
we're making bets on your personal life
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
