She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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