so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
