Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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