I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
