god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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