he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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