at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
