Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
