Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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