Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
