you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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