Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
