I want to have your abortion
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Everything about him screamed your future.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
