i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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