What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
