i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
