If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
