Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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