i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
