Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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