I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I smell stomach acid.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
