I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She bit a glass in half.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
