I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
