I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
