you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
