Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I wish life had little blips of pornography
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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