I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
