I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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