What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
