i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
