I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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