My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
