he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
